Annie
‘Annie’ is about anxiety, intrusive thoughts, rumination, and attending to the petrified and despairing child within. I am dedicating this song to a dear friend, relentless advocate, community organizer, badass mother, and my favorite co-facilitator (we co-lead a domestic violence support group every Fall for our respective jobs). I love you, thank you for sharing your life with me.
From Jen:
When I was first diagnosed with clinical depression, after attempting suicide it didn’t come to me as a surprise. I knew better then anyone else that I was depressed. I just didn’t know what to do about it. Twenty five years later, some days I still don’t know. The journey towards mental wellness for me is often taking a few steps forward and a couple back.
Looking back and remembering a time when my emotional suffering was the worst, would have been 20 years ago when I lost my mom. When I think back to this time, the emotions are absolutely overwhelming. To be completely honest, I am still working on the trauma that was caused when I experienced this loss.
My journey has also included living in an abusive relationship. I didn’t recognize it as abusive, and I definitely never put a label on it. Feelings of embarrassment and shame were overwhelming. I was in denial. I began working with a therapist to create boundaries to keep myself emotionally safe. The feelings of loneliness and unworthiness were intense during this time.
At last, I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. This totally opened my eyes. Looking back at my life, I came to understand why I operated the way I did. I find it helpful at times, to be able to explain to others why I might jump from topic to topic without explanation, or why my emotions can be intense and reactive at times. I find it helps me form more understanding and genuine relationships with people.
Some things that I have found most helpful…
Medication, it took me years of trying different medications for depression, anxiety and adhd. I don’t love taking medication everyday, but I know that’s the wisest choice for myself.
Therapy. Not “fun” but in conjunction with medication, it has been such a useful tool for me. Therapy has taught me so much about myself, and has helped me work through some difficult seasons in my life.
Spirituality. My belief that we are all sacred creations and have great purpose on this earth has been an anchor for me in my life.
Supportive family and friendships have carried me through the darkest times. I believe whole-heartedly that we were created to live in community and share our lives with one another.