WELCOME! AND WHY? AND NEXT CHAPTER;

Dearest earthlings,  

Welcome here. This site is an attempt to create a platform from which to share the music, reflections, and poems I have been writing over the last while. This may or may not be the first time I started a site with said intention. Last time, however, it seems I got caught up in the winds of fear, laziness, and that nagging temptation to stay small. I succumbed.  

For those who have followed my musical journey, you will have likely noticed that I’ve been laying low for a good while now. In private, however, I have been writing. It’s just that the prospect of sharing these little seeds has felt extremely vulnerable. You see, the last couple years of my life haven’t been easy. Roughly three years ago life as I knew it ended, and another one began. There was life before mental illness - and now - life with mental illness.

I’m still trying to figure out what it looks like to be a songwriter and poet in chapter two. 

So why am I trying again? Well I believe that just because we aren’t “successful” at something the first go around, it doesn’t mean there isn’t value or worth in trying again. The greater impetus, however, has come as a result of a meditation I do semi-regularly. In this meditation I imagine I have only several months to live. I try to feel the weight of that reality in my body, and in doing so I sense what matters most to me and reflect on how I would spend my last weeks on this earth. This may sound morbid to some, but personally it helps me put life in perspective. The only problem with this visualization exercise is that when I envision the last months of my life, I am doing something that I am unfortunately too scared to do now; which is, releasing songs and words into the hands of the Universe. In this vision, as I watch myself feverishly write down thoughts and record songs, I notice I am motivated by one thing only. Hope. Hope that perhaps a song or poem I have written will help someone feel less alone, less crazy, less alienated. Feel a touch closer to Light.

This little visualization exercise leaves me no other choice but to look fear square in the eyes; primarily the fear of being judged or not good enough. It seems that when I am dying, however, I no longer care what people will think. I’m just scared of leaving behind the people I love.

My story with mental health is far too complicated to put into a blogpost, but I reckon it will come out over time in bits and pieces.

In short, I am a survivor of a dissociative “disorder” called depersonalization and clinical depression. Anxiety loves to follow me around wherever I go. Somedays we get along, other days she gets pretty loud and mean.

This site is for all of us who struggle with afflictions of mind and body. My hope is that the tunes, poems, and thoughts I share with you here will help you feel more normal. Because you are.

Love

Well Sister

P.S. The photo on top was taken on a rainy Spring day in Spain. It serves no other purpose but to beautify this welcoming address.